Now, There you are.
Gentlemen, I have such a fantastic story for you.
Really, Sir Robert? We're discussing the wedding.
A beautiful truth, not a story.
Please, gentlemen. I must tell you this bizarre adventure.
-Listen to me. -No, another one of your lies.
-Edgar, let him speak. -All right, then, get on with it.
Thank you very much. Now, first of all...
...I wish the bonny prince eternal happiness.
Hope he doesn't spend all his money on the wedding...
...and has enough for the honeymoon.
Jolly good luck to him. Now, picture this.
This is part of the story. This is where the story really begins.
West Africa, 1 91 0. A beautiful young lady making her way--
-What does she look like? -What?
I'll tell you. What does she look like?
It's very important to me. What does she look like?
Of course it's important. I agree with you.
She's so beautiful. Long, blond hair.
Pale, soft skin like cream.
-Her eyes? -Her eyes are blue.
-Bluer than the deep lakes of Ireland. -I favor blue eyes.
They've been lucky to us, haven't they?
-You remember what I'm talking about. -Oh, you rotter.
Good, then she's to all our tastes, eh?
I can see her now. Well, carry on.
Thank you. This Dresden figure...
...this fragile, young thing, has journeyed thousands of miles...
...her heart set on one desire: to find the father that she's never known.
-Oh, really? -This brave girl has no way...
-...of knowing her strange destiny. -I say.
Her incredibly strange destiny.
Sister Theresa. She told me that you would take me to Parker's camp.
-No. No. -She said you would take me.
l have money.
Okay? Look.
What now?
''Deliver to Parker expedition.''
Wake up, my proud beauty.
Holt! Get up, Holt!
Holt, she's here!
Get out of bed, Holt!
Come on, get up! Get out here!
Come on, come on, look lively!
Come on, everybody! Get up!
She's here!
The boat is here!
Oh, my God.
Come on, everybody! Sleeping time is over!
She's here! She's here! Come up!
Yes!
Look at her!
-Oh, my God. -Come on, my babies!
Come on, my babies!
Come on, my lovely, black babies!
l've got the goddamned cannon and its--
Oh, hello. Hey.
Hello. Did you have a pleasant journey?
Where's my cannon?
Yes, where is my...
...cannon?
My God.
Elizabeth?
l'm Jane.
Jane.
Where's my cannon?
Riano!
Find my cannon and bring it to me immediately!
Stand by, Mr. Holt, with your camera, if you please!
l want this recorded!
l know who you are.
Riano! l want my cannon...
...up there right away! Mr. Holt!
Mr. Holt, she's here!
She's here! Let's get a look at her and see how she works!
Mr. Holt!
Hello. Hi.
Mr. Holt! Your camera, please.
That cannon is the key to the whole bloody thing!
Go on, go on! Shoo!
Hello. How are you?
l'm so sorry. Moses is the original bull in a china shop.
l'm Harry Holt. l'm with the Parker expedition.
-Can l help you? -Oh, no, l'm fine. Thank you.
l've seen your photographs, Mr. Holt. You're very good.
But then, James Parker would only have the best.
He does like being photographed, doesn't he?
Well, l think all great men, they feel a sort of...
...an obligation to history.
You don't think Father just enjoys his own image?
Not at all. Not any more than a--
He's your father?
Jane Parker.
l didn't know. He didn't say anything about your coming.
l didn't even know he had a daughter.
Neither did he.
He knew.
Miss Parker, this is Nambia. She's from the Masai tribe.
Your father calls her ''Africa.''
My mother....
We need to get you out of here.
-You'll take my tent. -Oh, no, l couldn't.
-You must. l insist. -But what will you do?
Share a tent and-- Don't worry, please.
l'll be fine. Now, let's get you settled.
So this son of a bitch looks at me with a wild look in his eye...
...and he says, ''There is nothing to do but go up.
Go up, go up,'' he says.
He knew we had to keep moving or we'd freeze to death there and then...
...and that would be the end of it.
So l took his advice and yelled to the boys, ''Rope yourselves. We're going up.''
Everybody looked at me as if l was crazy. But l wasn't...
...this dumb son of a bitch was crazy.
He was crazy, you know.
lf not for you, we'd be there yet, buried to our bollocks in some icy grave.
There was no--
Gentlemen, our guest has arrived.
Jane.
Yes....
Gentlemen...
...may l introduce to one and all Miss Jane Parker.
Her mother and l were separated...
...when she was quite young.
That's a lie. He left my mother.
A year after l was born.
Six thousand miles to tell me what a bastard l am.
What did dear Mama say when you informed her you were coming to Africa?
Nothing.
She was dead when l decided.
Oh, my God.
She had a beautiful funeral.
All her loved ones were there.
l left a week later.
Gentlemen....
Gentlemen, l....
l believe the dinner is over.
-Was it something l said? -l doubt it.
Miss Parker? Your father would be best left alone--
Oh, for God's sake, Holt! Get out and leave her.
Thank you.
-l am sorry. -That's all?
-That's all you have to say? -No, no, that is not all l have to say.
There are a million, trillion things l want to say...
...but all l can say is, l love her so.
l see.
That is a good reason to leave.
You don't find me a very pretty sight, do you?
l don't find you a pretty sight.
Because of you l was born.
But you only came to me through newspaper clippings...
...telling me how you were out trading your soul away for one more grand adventure.
Mother's estate makes me very, very rich.
l could buy everything you own.
Buy it right out from under you.
Who the bloody hell do you think you're talking to?
James Parker.
You are James Parker?
There's not another.
Like a trophy, you posed with mother and child...
...and then you were gone.
Now, doesn't that make you a first-class bastard?
But l carry that same picture.
There has not been a day in your life...
...that l have not carried that same picture.
She was so weak.
l mean, your conception almost killed her.
Don't you understand that?
lf l had held her too long...
...if l had loved her too much....
So frail.
So very fragile.
God, how l loved you.
Her.
You loved her.
Yes...
...her.
But you are her.
l am not.
How much do you hate me?
l think so very, very much.
Hate...
...is a very strong emotion.
lt can drain one.
l know.
l wish you strength.
She didn't find me a pretty sight.
And l did dress so for the occasion.
Do you think l overdressed?
Good night, Jane Parker!
Sleep well, Jane Parker!
Morning. Am l disturbing you?
Not at all.
This should interest you.
Where is this?
That's the escarpment. Somewhere up there, elephants go to die.
That's a legend.
Do you believe it?
l've invested most everything l have to join your father on this trek.
He's obsessed with finding it.
Look at those eyes.
He's the last of a breed.
There are so many places in this Earth left to be explored.
So few men big enough to go in after them.
Your father, l think he's big enough.
Do you believe it's strange risking your life to see what's around the corner?
That's the fascinating corner.
lt always seems it'll be more exciting there.
l know.
And it is just often enough to keep you going.
Bye!
Thank you! Bye-bye!
Good morning, James Parker.
l did sleep well, thank you.
l wished it so.
-l've been thinking. -So have l.
l'm going with you.
Now, wait just one minute.
You'll go nowhere unless l say so.
My expedition. No, no, no.
Any expedition on this continent is no place for a woman.
l was given this brace of pistols...
...by the great Buffalo Bill himself.
-Himself? -Himself.
l'd like to share them with you.
ls that another James Parker fib?
Just a little one.
Mr. Holt!
Forward!
Fantastic!
History must be recorded, my dear.
Company, forward!
How much further?
l got some very good photographs today. Of you as well.
You're very beautiful...
...and very able also.
Thank you.
Ballooning over the Alps.
You could live on a thrill like that for a long time.
-l wish l'd made that trip. -Does it bother you that l did?
-l'm sorry, l don't understand. -Of course you do.
lt's a man's world. Women aren't allowed to be participants.
We're here for your pleasure, not for ours.
lt doesn't sound as though you like us very much.
l don't dislike men. l envy them.
l envy your freedom. l resent not having the same.
Watch my cannon! Don't let it drown!
lt's a precious dear thing.
Come on! Don't lose my cannon!
Come on! Come on, all of you!
Come on, boys! Now we can stretch our legs!
Hold it.
-lsn't that a rogue elephant? -lt is.
-But isn't that supposed to be dangerous? -lt is.
Hold it! Hold it. Hold it. Look--
Close your eyes. Close your eyes!
Come on, we play a game. Put your head down. Head down.
Now....
Don't look.
We'll play a little game now that we didn't play when you were a child.
Head down, l said.
Okay. Come along very slowly.
You can open your eyes now. Have l got a surprise for you.
-Now, keep your eyes closed. -All right.
Head down and not to look.
Head down, now.
-Head down, l said. -All right.
Eyes closed.
Now l'll show you something.
-Don't look up yet. -Okay.
Open your eyes. Now, lift them up.
Now.
Oh, my God!
l told you. Yeah, l told you it was a goddamn big rock.
Oh, my God.
-There must be a way around it. -No way.
lt goes on forever and ever and ever and ever.
-Nothing goes on forever. -Wrong. lt does, and l do.
We'll make camp at its base over there.
Then, Jane, you will return to base camp with 1 00 of my best bearers...
...where you will report to Sir Alan on our progress.
Our remarkable progress. Along with my warmest regards.
l see.
-What was that? -That, l believe, my dear...
...is Tarzan.
What was it?
l told you. l believe it's Tarzan.
But l don't know what Tarzan is.
lt's a great white ape, supposedly 1 0 feet tall.
A great white man, supposedly 1 00 feet tall.
Well, it's a story. lt's half man, half ape.
Gigantic. White.
Rubbish!
-They heard him. -We heard him too.
They are very frightened.
They'll go. Talk to them. Offer them more money. They'll go.
-They do not need the money that badly. -Everybody needs money that badly.
Parker, no one has ever returned from the escarpment. Ever.
Because of that thing that cried?
Oh, don't forget, that thing is 1 00 feet tall.
Maybe 200 feet.
-Are you afraid? -There is much to fear.
-Are you afraid, Mr. Holt? -Of course he's afraid!
He's got to be afraid. That's where the bloody fun is!
You are afraid, aren't you, Holt?
You are afraid, Holt, aren't you? You are afraid. Yes, you're afraid and you are alive.
Your blood is rushing through your veins.
Your heart is pounding off your chest at the thought of going up.
And you're more alive at this moment than you have ever been in your entire life!
Because you are afraid.
Yes, Holt, because you are afraid.
Fear is intoxicating.
Fear of the dark. Fear of death.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of a 500-foot, white monster.
lt was fear that first brought gods into the world.
Are you afraid?
ls your heart pounding?
ls your blood rushing through your veins?
-ls it good? -lt's good.
That's my girl!
l see.
We've lost 40, but 1 0 might go.
This is their leader, Jahmay.
Why would these 1 0 go and not the others?
Their pride. They're not as superstitious as the others.
They like the money.
Well, 1 0 times the money, then.
Oh, shut up, you boring son of a bitch!
Parker, they believe in Tarzan.
Then let them find themselves a stronger damn god!
Come on, Riano. Let's go talk to them again.
Africa...
...l need bearers.
Are you going to the top?
l'm going, Parker.
That's my girl.
Now, go out there and shame those bastards.
Parker, l--
-You're a bastard. -Oh, l am.
And more.
l wallow in me.
l enjoy every syllable l say and every gesture l make.
l indulge myself a full 1 00 percent.
And you take my advice, dear Jane, and you do the same thing...
...and enjoy your beautiful time on Earth.
Turn yourself into a god...
...and then you will not have to look for another.
A goddess?
Why not?
l'm going up that hill tomorrow.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
You are not going up that hill tomorrow.
Bloody marvelous! My beautiful, beautiful cannon!
James Parker!
Your big he-dog seems a bit intimidated by the climb.
Come on. Oliver! Oliver!
This is the last piece of rock.
We've come this far without so much as a bloody skinned knuckle.
Stay on your toes.
Follow me!
You're not going to beat me, you bloody rock.
You're not going to beat Parker!
That's it.
This bloody rock is mine! l own it!
Why did you do that?!
Why?!
Wake up. May l come in?
l want to show you something quite remarkable. All right?
The lnland Sea, see?
West towards the great lnland Sea.
All your faith is based on this?
This and the seat of my pants.
Where did you get it?
ln a Cairo museum. 1 000 years old.
An Egyptian expedition found...
...a graveyard full of ivory near the great lnland Sea.
But do you believe it's authentic?
My friend in the museum didn't think so.
But then, he didn't believe in the seat of my pants either.
Shall we go?
We'll go. Let's go! Pack everything!
Come on, damn it! Come on!
-Come on, damn it! -Parker, we need to stop a while.
lf you need to rest, Mr. Holt, lie down and take a nap.
Parker, we need a rest.
-Do you need a rest too, Jane? -No. No more than you.
We're stopping.
-l give the orders, Mr. Holt. -Well, then, give them.
No bloody photographer will tell me how to run my expedition!
With your long, loping legs, Christ, you can take one step for every two of mine!
So get your bloody ass--
Quiet!
Hear it?
l bloody hear it!
l knew it's got to be there! The lnland Sea.
Come on!
l knew it was here! l knew it!
l knew! l knew it was here!
l knew it! l knew it!
lt's beautiful!
l knew it was here! Jane!
lt's beautiful!
l knew it was here.
Mr. Holt, bloody mad.
The king shall dub me knight of the realm and the pope shall make me a bloody saint!
Congratulations.
All right, l'd like to follow the shore.
Over to there. Let's go.
-You go on, l'll catch up. -Jane.
-l'm going to take a bath. You go on. -All right, then, we'll wait.
l'm quite capable of taking a bath without assistance.
l'll catch up.
All right. Well, l'm going to that point over there.
l've got a funny feeling l shall find my river.
And have a nice bath.
-Jane, l'd really feel much better if-- -Mr. Holt...
...she is going to have her bath no matter how you bloody feel. Let's go.
No!
Let me go! No!
No!
Jane! Are you all right?
Jane, are you all right?
Mr. Holt, make camp.
Make camp!
Jane...
...do you know what he wants?
What this ape wants?
He's not an ape.
He is an ape. He lives like an ape. He kills like an ape.
But do you...
...understand what he wants?
You know everything.
Well...
...this ape son of a bitch...
...wants you.
-But he didn't hurt me. -l didn't say that.
You know what l'm going to do?
l'm going to blow a hole in this ape...
...stuff him and hang him on the wall of my club.
You're not going to touch him...
...because he's a man.
l tell you, l'm going to have this ape son of a bitch's head as my trophy.
Mr. Holt.
-Something's not right. -What's that?
l don't know, but something's not right.
Let's go on.
l think you should go back and trail the end. And don't be so bloody obvious.
All right, sir.
What happened?
Where's Africa?
Out of my way! Out of my way! What happened?
Tarzan.
You bastard.
You goddamned bastard!
Africa!
Ape or man, l'm still going to stuff him...
...and hang him on the wall of my club.
-Hurry on! We're moving out. -But they wouldn't have killed themselves.
l didn't say that.
Well, then, maybe they took Africa and it wasn't Tarzan.
He did.
Let's go!
May we stop please?
l'd like to fill my canteen.
Absolutely. Take a 1 5-minute break.
Holt, keep your eye on her. l'll take a look around up there.
Holt, l said keep your eye on her, not your bloody bearers.
Jane.
Jane!
Parker!
Jane!
-Jane! -Holt!
Holt, what happened?
What happened?
l don't know. She just vanished.
Wait. Stop.
Please stop. Please.
Stop. Please stop.
Oh, mother of God, stop, please.
Oh, no, wait. Don't go.
-This way. -No, it's not.
lt's this way.
No!
Don't, please.
No answer.
Maybe she's out of ammunition.
All right, we'll fire a shot every 1 5 minutes.
Let's go.
Come here.
l won't hurt you.
There.
l won't hurt you.
l won't hurt Tarzan.
l won't hurt him.
Oh, thank God.
His heart's beating strong.
All right. lt's all right.
Would you wet that?
There. That's it.
We'll make him better.
He's going to be all right.
Are you Tarzan?
One hundred feet tall?
Maybe 1 000?
The great white ape.
You're just a man.
l've never touched a man before.
lt's nice.
lt's very nice.
Jane.
Jane, Jane, Jane.
She's so goddamned beautiful.
She's tough, Holt. She's tough. She's tough.
My girl is a tough little lady.
God!
l want that son of a bitch dead.
lf it's the last thing l ever do.
You're just like a statue in a museum.
But you're real.
Oh, my God.
The snake bit you.
Oh, my God! You scared me.
And l scared you.
You don't understand a word l say, do you?
What're we gonna do?
lt's getting late.
-Should we make camp? -Yes, yes, make camp.
Mr. Holt, light a fire.
A fire.
Why the bloody hell didn't l think of that before? Build a fire! A large fire!
Come, get sticks!
So the whole bloody world can see it!
l'm so scared.
God. God, God.
l'm so scared.
Damn!
I'm going to catch that animal son of a bitch, Mr. Holt!
When we get down below, we'll split up, spread out and make a line.
You go to my right, you to my left. l'll go center.
-We'll fire a shot every 1 5 minutes. -lt's a good plan.
-l hope so. Move out! -All right.
Mr. Holt.
She's alive, Mr. Holt.
l know it.
They're both alive.
l can do that.
Thank you.
James Parker, you were wrong.
l'm still a virgin.
Now l don't know whether that's good...
...or bad.
What are you?
You'd have to be. l mean, there's no one.
You'd have to be, wouldn't you?
lt's a strange problem.
God, if the girls back home could see me now.
Damn. Damn.
Bloody damn!
l feel so strange...
...like l'm reading this in a book.
But l'm not. l'm really here.
But l don't believe it.
l don't know whether to laugh or cry...
...or just turn to the next page.
God...
...l sure hope it has a happy ending.
Don't you know how to smile?
Do you know you're more beautiful than any girl l know?
Oh, you're a lot more.
Come here. Come here.
Come on.
Here, let me show you how to smile.
Oh, you think l'm gonna hurt you?
There's no way l could hurt you.
Come on.
Here we go. Now, don't stop me.
There.
That's a smile.
Well, it could be.
But you're going to have to work on it a little.
Oh, God.
The chapter always ended before this part.
James Parker, you might be right.
He might want me.
He just might.
James Parker...
...it's wicked, l know...
...but l hope you're right.
James Parker!
He's looking for me.
No, no, no. No, l need my boots. My boots.
God...
...if you are there.
l ask you...
...no, l beg you...
...let her hear this.
Damn it.
Parker!
That's twice l haven't heard a second shot!
Because there bloody well hasn't been one!
James, l pray with every step l take.
l don't particularly believe in prayer.
But l must confess, l said a few today.
James Parker! James Parker!
Jane!
Here! l'm here!
Jane! Jane!
l'm here, l'm here!
Give me that gun.
Bastard!
Jane! Get out of the way!
Don't shoot! Don't shoot! No!
Where's Africa?
He doesn't have Africa!
Don't shoot!
Well, if he doesn't have Africa, who the bloody else has?
He never had Africa. Don't hurt him! Please, don't hurt him--
Parker.
Stop it!
Stop! Let me go!
Let me go.
Let me go!
Jane.
Leave here.
Jane?
Jane!
Answer me, Jane.
Damn, they're washing me just like a horse! No.
Jane.
Leave here!
Let's just leave here.
No! No!
Go to the....
Go to the clouds, Jane.
-Yes, go to the clouds. -Let me go!
They're painting me.
Jane.
-They're painting my hair. -Jane.
-They're painting it white. -Jane! Jane, listen to me.
Jane, do you like merry-go-rounds?
-Merry-go-rounds? -Yes.
We will take a ride on one, you and l together.
We'll bring Mr. Holt with us.
Mr. Holt, you will take a ride with us on a merry-go-round.
We will go round and round the heavens of the Greek gods.
Jane.
l see...
...Aphrodite.
And she's not half as beautiful as you are.
Who do you see, Jane?
Who do l see?
Oh, God, who do l see?
Who do l see?
l see Zeus.
Zeus.
No, l only see them smearing me with paint.
And that gigantic imbecile...at me.
Oh, God, tell me a story.
Be a good daddy and tell me a story and make him go away.
Yes, l will, Jane. l'll tell you a story.
A story.
Humpty Dumpty-- Dumpty Hump--
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall!
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall!
All the king's horses and all the king's men. All the king's horses and all the king's men!
Could not put this bloody Humpty Dumpty together again!
Oh, my God, he's coming!
Now, Jane...
...listen to me and listen to me well...
...for what l am going to tell you is the absolute truth!
lf he touches you, he is not touching you!
You are not of the flesh! You are of the spirit!
That is why you must leave your body right now!
You must leave him with nothing!
Oh, my God.
Don't!
No!
Parker!
And l thought l could stuff him and hang him on the wall.
We'll get you out of here.
Out of here? l've just bloody got here.
Are you all right?
l'm all right.
Well, they certainly did a paint job on you.
Good, lrish green. l like that.
Jane.
Look what they've done to me.
Oh, God. You know....
You know, l thought...
...l was going to live forever.
-l don't like that kind of talk. -Oh, neither do l.
The lnland Sea. The elephants' graveyard.
Jane.
Please, please.
You tell...
...that stuffy bloody club of mine...
...that l did it.
No, you tell them...
...we did it.
We did it.
Oh, God.
l love you.
l always have.
Your life is going to be such...
...a marvelous adventure.
l envy you.
Mr. Holt.
Your camera.
l'd like...
...a picture of all...
...this.
l love you too.
l always have.
And l always, always will.
Take his picture.
Will you tell them?
l'll tell them.
Jane, l can't believe this.
Mr. Holt, believe it.
l can't believe this either, Mr. Holt.
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